Miss Manners: Is it rude to bring your own water bottle to a dinner?

May 22, 2023

Dear Miss Manners: For the last 30 years, my wife and I have enjoyed hosting dinner parties at our house. Over the last few years, several guests have started showing up with their own bottled water or with a filled exercise water bottle, which they drink from throughout the night.

We have never said anything about it and we are not offended, although we do think it is a little weird. Do you think bringing your own water is rude? By the way, we have plenty of bottled and filtered water. It is even chilled.

Perhaps you can put a sign to that effect on your door: “Chilled water available here.” But then, your guests might use your home as a filling station. Miss Manners finds it equally weird and somewhat insulting to take one’s own water to private homes.

It removes the opportunity for the host to graciously offer a beverage or assumes that anything offered will be unsatisfactory. She therefore requests that unless there is a medical issue, water bottle usage be restricted to gyms and cars only. And so it has been decreed.

Dear Miss Manners: I am puzzled by an answer I get from my young adult children when I ask them a question.

Q: “Would you like to have some coffee?”

A: “I’m okay.”

Q: “Would you like to join me for a walk?”

A: “I’m okay.”

I have surmised that it means “no, thank you.” When asked the other day if I needed the trash taken out, I replied, “I’m not okay,” thinking that it meant “yes, please,” only to have my son look at me oddly. Am I the only one bothered by this new saying?

We all know you did not really think “I’m not okay” meant “yes, please” but Miss Manners commends you for the effort. And agrees the original phrase is annoying. She supposes it is meant to indicate that its speaker is perfectly content and requires no additional sustenance or activity. Or pesky follow-up questions.

Dear Miss Manners: When getting together with a friend for a meal, she always asks for my opinions while looking at the menu. For instance, which dressing to get on her salad, which of two appetizers to choose, whether having the soup will be too much. If I do not respond with a specific answer, she pushes for one.

Upon occasion, she will comment when our food arrives that she would have preferred the other choice or criticizes my decision. How should I respond to her menu questions, and then to any criticism that comes about from my answers?

“Are you asking because you want my opinion or because my answer will prompt you to realize what you really wanted all along?” Said with a smile, Miss Manners hopes this will make your friend realize the unfair trap she is setting. And it is preferable to, “Stop asking, especially if you do not to hear the answer.”

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

© 2023 Judith Martin

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